How to Make a Straw Hat
by Sarcasticles
Summary: A how-to guide to writing OCs, not meant to be taken seriously in any way whatsoever.


So, you want to try your hand at making a straw hat? Well, that's easy enough. First you gather up some straw, a ribbon of any color, some thread….

Oh, not that kind of straw hat. You want to make a Straw Hat, as in the pirate. Hmm…that's a little more difficult. Many have attempted it, but only a true master has the skill needed to pull it off. Most think it is wiser not even to try, as the process has been known to drive people (fanfiction readers in particular) insane.

Still with me? Good, it'll take determination and effort to get through the whole process. Speaking of which, those are both qualities necessary to make a Straw Hat. Luffy only likes people that are willing to do anything to achieve their goals. Whiners need not apply.

Okay, so first things first you need to put together a person. This is more difficult than it seems; remember that Straw Hats seem to be weird in some way. Luffy wears a woman's gardening hat into battle, Sanji's eyebrows may or may not hold the secrets of the universe, Zoro's hair is green. These are not normal qualities, and when developing your Straw Hat it is important to keep them in mind. Mysterious beauty and alluring eyes that randomly change colors will only get you so far. This is the Grand Line for goodness sake! Think outside the box, anything is possible.

Once you have created your Straw Hat's physical appearance, it might be important to think of a name. Names are important. Nami, Chopper, Sanji, and Usopp's names are puns or plays on words. Monkey D. Luffy and Nico Robin both have a legacy attached to theirs, while Roronoa Zoro is based on a real pirate _and_ sounds badass. Then there's Franky, who abandoned his real name as a child. Anything goes. Whether it is generic or overly long, awesome or bizarre, a person's name is part of their character. Be aware, though, that just like in real life others might find it dumb. Awsomesause CrazyKool McBadass or Sakura Tsuki D. Light can be legitimate names; just don't think anyone else will take them seriously. And really, who would even want a name like that?

Great, now we have a name and a description! The process so far has been grueling, but _don't stop here_! There's still a long ways to go before Luffy would even give your potential Straw Hat a second glance. Without adding the most important ingredients, your character will come out of the developmental oven under baked. This leads to flat, tasteless characters that are unfilling and bland, not to mention boring!

So, the question is how to counteract this horrible condition that runs rampant among the archives? The answer is simple: Your character needs a good filling of character. Or to put it another way, inject your wannabe Straw Hat with a personality.

The recipe for personality is difficult. For this particular situation it calls for one heaping dream, a large helping of tragic past, a pinch of quirkiness (okay, okay a _handful_ of quirkiness), and a dollop of friendship. Signature laugh is optional, but comes highly recommended. Your Straw Hat must compete with an afro skeleton who is actually a musician who can fence and likes women's underwear; a shipwright cyborg with an unhealthy affinity to speedos, tacky shirts, and cola; and a reindeer doctor whose favorite food is cotton candy. Yeah. Moody, overly powerful emos whose only real job is to brood and look pretty would get kicked off the ship. And remember, most of the crew is uninterested or incapable of a physical relationship, so if your Straw Hat's dream is to get on someone's pants things _might_ get a little awkward.

Just sayin'.

At this point in time, your Straw Hat is almost finished. He/she has both a distinct look and personality that can run with even the most outrageous pirate. There are still some presentation issues that need to be dealt with (how is this new Straw Hat going to fight? A pirate's life is a dangerous one) and a few things that might need to be tweaked, depending on taste (when will this character catch Luffy's eye? In the East Blue? After the time-skip? Sometime in between?) but for now feel free to revel in the fact that you've made a solid, interesting character.

Be warned, though that _overdoing _is just as hazardous as _underdoing_. Not everything needs to be set at creation. Give yourself room to add some icing to the delicious cake of characterization. Not even geniuses like Oda plan out _everything _in advance, and you never know when you'll be inspired at a later time. As long as it doesn't contradict anything previously established, a little improvisation can add depth to a setting.

So you've done it! You've made a Straw Hat who doesn't make your readers want to projectile vomit! Yay! Not everyone can claim such an impressive feat. Now that's done, you can plot out a story that doesn't suck. Just stick to your guns (or swords/fists/weapon of choice) and everything should turn out fine. It's perfectly okay if your character doesn't have the answer to all of life's persistent questions. The Straw Hat Pirates are famous for helping out a friend in need. Luffy himself admitted he'd be in serious trouble if left to his own devises.

Lastly, remember to have fun. Everyone knows that shipping is serious business and the monster otherwise known as 'the fandom' can be scary, but the object of the exercise it to make up a fictional character for a fantasy manga written for young boys in which asking if people are physically capable of pooping is a legitimate question. If at any time in the creative process you develop a stress ulcer, you're probably trying too hard.

You got all that written down? Good. Now go out there and get going! May your OCs be engaging and fun and your writer's block easily demolished.

And if you've read all this and are still wondering how to make a literal straw hat, well, I'm sorry to disappoint you, but I have no idea. I'm sure there are plenty of milliners out there that would be happy to enlighten you on the process.

xxx

AN: I found this on my computer and I literally cannot remember when I wrote it. I must have been really, _really _tired.


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